Thursday, March 27, 2008

I am here and I am alive I promise!

Like the new look? I thought it was time for a change....... Those tootsies belong to Isabella, myself, husband and Turkey. (Obviously taken before Rollie Pollie rolled along.) I don't know if it's the angle, the lighting or a bad combination of both, but my feet look monstrous! Especially when you consider husband has size 13 feet! OH MY GOODNESS. I mean, yeah, my feet aren't tiny or anything, but I'm not a man!! In this picture I appear to be. Still a cute picture though, right?

OK, well I have lots and lots of thoughts and emotions running through my mind these days. Isabella's birthday is next week. Yep. We have arrived. It sucks. Actually that is a terrible understatement, but I'm trying to make it through. This weekend when I have more than five seconds to collect my thoughts and hammer them out I want to write out Isabella's birth story. Before we knew. No matter what, that day was a good day. A beautiful day. No matter what came after that day, I didn't know when I gave birth to my beautiful Princess that she had that dreaded word.........Lissencephaly. I was blissfully unaware of what lay ahead in the road map of my life. I would wonder that night why she was so quiet and nursed so lazily, but I wouldn't care. I would chalk it up to sleepiness from my epidural and tell myself she just needed a day. Or two. Or............

I will write about it this weekend.....I promise. I need to work through these emotions before they suffocate me. I have this life I have to live. I have these two beautiful boys who need me.......I have to find a way to survive this pain......this utter loss. Somehow.

To be continued.......

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