Tuesday, September 9, 2008

wishin and hopin and prayin

Wow. What a month. I'm so totally zapped I can hardly concentrate. My mind is all over the map and my eyes are permanently heavy. My dad is all fixed, no cancer and is finally HOME. All by hisself! OK, OK, I will admit he was a perfectly perfect house guest (third child!) and I kind of liked having him around to chat with during the day (I get so very lonely these days) but it's nice to have my house back. My silence back, no matter how short lived it is.

Last week my grandfather and great aunt both passed away from different cancers 24 hours apart. Geez. I'm starting to wonder if I have the freakin' cancer now. So two funerals, no weddings. Oh and toss in a major head cold to spread around the fam (thanks dirty pre-k kids! I'm talkin' to you disease spreaders!!) I'm done-zo! I am finally catching up on some sleep (well if you consider breastfeeding a teething infant a gagillion times a night sleeping, like I do that is) and starting to feel "normal" again.

Can I just say I am so stinking excited about this election?? I mean, really excited and ignited. I never thought I would push the democratic agenda, but I totally am. Totally. I love OBAMA! There I said it! I'm a "gut instinct" kind of gal and really it never steers me wrong (I sometimes just like to ignore it) and everything in me vibrates with ICK ICK ICK on McCain/Palin. I am a WOMAN and Palin makes me want to vomit. Of course she is the exact opposite kind of mother I am so that bugs me.........I mean, really? You just gave birth to a special needs kid like 5 seconds ago and your running for vice president of the FREE WORLD? IJustDon'tFreakinGetThat. At all. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and I couldn't even work at my local ER anymore with Isabella. I'll say that Lissencephaly (severe Liss at that) and Down Syndrome are not even remotely comparable, but still. Special NEEDS. So that gets me.

Her abortion stance? Fuhgeddaboutit. Her referenceing herself as a "pitbull"..................in a word: gross.

But enough about her. Obama. Oh, Obama. You are young, you are bright, you look good too. Your family is precious, your politics are even better and oh, you don't agree with Iraq. SOLD!

So am I totally left wing nut? Nope. I'm just likin' what I'm hearing from that side and I'm so over Bush and everything he's done. I'm all about change, change, change. Especially in my own life.

I've just got this stirring inside me lately. I need to move, grow, change. Something. It's like my family is on the edge of this crappy, hellish cliff and we're about to fall off. (But in a really good way, not in a splat! dead way.) We totally have parachutes and grandure awaiting us at the bottom. I can just feel it.

Isabella just turned our world upside down and rocked it out and we are still figuring out how to turn it right side up, but better. I want to be a better mother, a better wife, a better friend.......just better period. I love that sweet girl, I MISS that sweet girl.........I wish I could dream of that sweet girl. I keep reading about all the these dead baby mama's out there and how they dream of their little babies/children and I can't help but feel jealous. Why doesn't Isabella come to me? She comes to Turkey I think, but no mama. Maybe my heart isn't ready for it like my mind is. Figures.

Turkey is offically a Pre-K kid and loves, loves, loves it. I couldn't be happier.........and let me tell you, two and half hours with one sweet baby is bliss squared. Wow, a whole new world.

The other night Turkey was laying in my bed staring at the huge picture we have of Isabella above our bed when he suddenly started crying. I asked him what was wrong and got this: "I really miss sister. I wish she would come back down. (long pause) It just makes me so sad."

Do you hear that? It's the sound of my heart breaking.

What am I supposed to do with this? Watching my child suffer through such tough emotions and he's a child! It's just not fair. I just explained to him how positively happy Isabella is now with Jesus and how healthy and free she is. It seems to make him feel better, but who really knows. This conversation will be on-going for years to come I am sure. We miss our girl.

Also, please pray for the Nielson's (Nie Nie and her husband Christain specifically) They are an amazing couple and they need all the prayers (and moolah!) they can get. Thanks.