It's very interesting.............

how watching Rollie Pollie grow and develop normally is making me miss Isabella even more. Of course, I had no way of knowing whether or not this journey with Rollie Pollie would make things easier or harder after losing Isabella while pregnant with him. It's both I guess. I get so much JOY out of each smile he gives (and he gives them readily all the time now) and each wonderfully delicious baby noise. He looks at me, he breast feeds perfectly, he loves the sling, he is reaching for things and he SEES things. All things that Isabella never really did. Experiencing this with Rollie Pollie is beyond words, it truly is, but it also makes my heart yearn for Isabella. I yearn to watch her do these things. Sometimes I try to envision what things would be like if she had been "normal" and was with us today. WOW. My perfect life....snatched away in an instant. Dammit. I'm so glad the holidays are over. What a crappy holiday season it was this year. Good riddance. Hopefully next year I will feel a little more "chipper". Not having Isabella was brutal and the pain of missing her was even worse. My heart just hurts, it's physical, it truly is.

Rollie Pollie is the sweetest thing and just smiles at me every chance he gets. That look of absolute love and adoration a sweet little baby gives mama is the absolute greatest thing in the world. Sometimes now he'll be nursing and if I give him a smile he will pull off and shoot that big toothless grin at me. Gets me every stinkin' time. I could just gobble him up I tell you. Turkey loves him of course.....he's a little jealous, but we are dealing with it. He still talks about Isabella periodically and assumes that when I'm crying, it's because I miss her. He's almost always right. He's doing really well over all with everything. Such a tough kid and a true fighter.....it's been so rough on him and I hate that he's had to go through this nightmare along with Husband and I, but I guess that's life. Man, it sure sucks sometimes though.

I'm looking forward to the spring when I can get out with my boys (how cool that I can type that!) and enjoy nature and beautiful weather again. We always buy a zoo pass to our local zoo every year and make many trips that way each spring and summer. Last spring I took Turkey and Isabella quite a few times....it was so nice. I hope my newest love will enjoy it as well.

So Rollie Pollie takes all of his naps right now in my MobyWrap (www.mobywrap.com), it's the greatest. When I took him for his 2 month check up, they asked where he naps and sleeps ("is he in his own bed yet?") I said "hell no, he sleeps with me at night and in the sling during the day" (with a twinkle in my eye, they know me). She said "OK, but lets work on getting him in a crib." WHY? When did I lose the right to decide how and when my own babies sleep? I love co-sleeping and the sling is fantastic. Rollie Pollie gets to sleep hearing my heartbeat and smelling my smell and I get to do whatever I need to do (within reason of course.) It's perfect. Once again we are back at the "doctors know best" intersection of my life. Whatever. Besides, these doctors change the rules every six months, so who cares. One month it's "do xyz" the next month it's "no wait! that will kill your kid!". So which is it? I just do what feels right for my family and call it good. :)

OK, I've avoided the dreaded laundry monster long enough. sheesh. I really need a laundry fairy for my birthday next month. If you ever find one, send he/she my way!!!