Saturday, August 16, 2008

Emotional rollercoaster, here I come!

My dad had his surgery yesterday and he came out fine, thank goodness. His doctor really took his case seriously and bumped her other surgeries to get him quickly due to our family history. So, the news. Good and bad of course. (Am I ever going to just get GOOD?!?)

Both tumors were removed successfully. She (the surgeon) removed an entire FOOT (holy bajoly!) of his colon and got it all. No colostomy, no complications. Big sigh of relief from all. Now for the bad news. If you recall, she removed a portion of his tumors for a biopsy. Those results came in the day before his surgery and she said it was concerning news. The type of cancer he has is adenocarcinoma, which is most commonly associated with the colon. So the good news is that she got all of the tumors out; gone baby gone. The bad news is that the biopsy, aside from showing the type of cancer he has, it also showed if it's a well differentiated cancer or a poorly differentiated cancer...i.e. slow/friendly cancer or mean/aggressive cancer. Cancer has personality ya'll.

Well, Daddy dearest has one of each. One tumor is kind of stupid and friendly and the other tumor is smart and quick to spread. So, that translates to another week of fretting and nail biting while we await the results of the ever important pathology report of the lymph nodes. I know, a whole stinkin' week.

I will say, that the doctors eyes revealed quite a lot about what she is thinking if the cancer has indeed spread to the ol' nodes. Not good. So we will just have to see. In the meantime she wants my brother and I to get genetic counseling she what were up for in our future. Boy, I just can't wait to see what kind of cancer I'm promised so I can freat and worry and stress over things that have not happened yet. Right. So I may forgo the genetic testing. I haven't decided.

I have already had my first colonoscopy and it was about as much fun as having nails driven through your skull. Although I don't have first hand knowledge of the latter. I am already, in fact, due for my second colonoscopy. Can't wait.

I think I'm just ready to be done with death for a while. Are there some sort of "death quotas" out there?

Of course, most of these emotions take me right back to Isabella's death. It's not a place I like to visit and re-visit very often. If I am totally honest I can say that I have felt anger at those around me who are dying/will die soon. I get angry that they will see her before me. Isn't that totaly craziness? I certainly don't want to die right now, I still have two beautiful boys to raise and love. I just don't want anyone else getting their grubby paws on my daughter before me! She's mine, all mine! Don't even get me started on husband dying before me.............oh my goodness that really lights my fire. I'm a freak.....I know.

So another round of The Waiting Game for me. I will keep you posted. More good thoughts/prayers/vibes, whatever ya got. Please and Thank You!

No comments: