Thursday, August 7, 2008

Cancer here, cancer there, cancer, cancer everywhere!

When it rains it really does poor doesn't it?

So today I took my Dad to have a colonoscopy...........and of course it just so happens that colon cancer totally runs in my dad's side of the family. I'm pretty sure just about everyone has died of it.............literally, everyone. My dad is the only one left, (well except for my brother and myself of course.)

I'm in my twenties and already I have had my first "screen". Let me tell you, colonoscopies are not fun.

maybe........just not fun.

So, my dad. I waited (with my two kids whining the whole time, gotta love it) and waited and really just didn't expect any kind of bad news. I mean, sure, it had been five years since he'd had his last colonoscopy and yeah, he's overweight, and yeah he never gets his heart rate above...oh, a resting heart rate and it runs in his family. But, still, I live in denial land from time to time and I thought I'd talk to the surgeon and she'd say "everything looks fine!"


I go back there and suddenly my dad looks so fragile and a little scared. I ask how he's feeling and he mumbles something saracastic, like "just great". Then the doctor comes in..........the surgeon and she's a chick so I totally dig that. I love me some chick doctors, they are way better than dude doctors bytheway. She first says, "Well I have some bad news." I think something along the lines of "Of course you do dahling, that's the only kind of news I get." She goes on, "I found a good size MASS in your dad's rectum (oh goody!) and another smaller MASS in his actual colon. They look bad.............they look like, cancer." OK, so I have to admit, when she said the "C" word I almost lost it. Totally almost started bawling my big baby eyes out. I'm not really a crier, espcially in front of others, but this was too much. Again.

Quick like lightening I remember my dad and how my bawling like a freak wouldn't really give him that "comfort" feeling and I also remember my uber sensitive four year old who has already experienced enough emotional devastation for a frackin' lifetime, so I internally slapped myself silly and sucked it up. I got my big girl panties all pulled up! Then I listened to this rockin chick doctor and she made me feel better. A little bit anyways. Listen, I totally know that doctors lie just a little to make patients and their families feel better. I get that.....and I'm OK with it for now.

So, the course of action. First things first, we gotta get my Daddy-O's blood pressure down (don'tevengetmestartedonthatshit), so I scheduled him with his primary tomorrow morning PRONTO! He's gonna hate me when this is all said and done. Next week he'll have a PET scan and then we'll (yes WE) meet with rockin chick surgeon at the end of the week and discuss. He will have surgery to remove those nasty MASSES and we'll go from there. Best case scenario, the cancer is contained in those masses. Worse case scenario is that it's in his lymph nodes. So we wait.............again.

Oh and dad lives all alone, no family besides ME (cancer, remember?) and had nobody. Sad, I know. So I will be taking care of him (which I'm totally OK with that!) I just wish it didn't involve two small children.

I see lots of chanting and lamaze type breathing in my future. Lots.

If you pray, please pray for my dad. He could use a prayer or two.



Lunasea said...

I'm new to your blog, and I'm tearing up over here. I'm so, so sorry. How scary. Sending warm and healing thoughts your way.

mama to many said...

Thank you so much! I really appreciate any good thoughts I can get....