Friday, April 11, 2008

The paper bag puppet wasn't such a good idea I guess

OK, so the other day it was raining cats and dogs where we live......which is lovely unless you have a 3 year old little boy who is climbing the walls and it's only 8:21 am. So I rummaged through our craft shelf and found these leftover paper bags and thought "ooo, we can make some silly little puppets, Turkey will love that!" (Aren't I just the most creative, most awesome mom?) Actually I'm just a desperate mom....

So, I explain to Turkey how we are going to make our puppets and he is very excited (thank goodness, right? not all of my ideas are so well accepted) I make a puppet for myself with curly crazy hair (a certain rollie pollie has left me no time for my soul mate aka the CHI) and Turkey laughs and decides to make one that is him. We have fun for a while and then he says: "hey, I want you to make one for sister." Hm. At this point I think something along the lines of: "well, I don't really want to do that, but he does......shit." So I make a puppet for sister. How can I not? Here is where it gets interesting......and by interesting, I mean really heartbreaking. (You have been warned!)

Turkey then puts the puppet that represents himself on one hand and puts the puppet that represents Isabella on the other and has them face each other. Then he speaks. "Hi sister, I love you sooooo much" says the Turkey puppet to the sister puppet. "Let's go to the zoo sister" (he makes motions like they are walking) "Look at those hippos! And the lions! Oh, zebras, look! sister". (So at this point I am having a full on emotional break-down, INSIDE MY HEAD because I can't let Turkey see how much this pains me.) Basically Turkey went on to "play" with sister for another 20 minutes or so, doing all of his favorite real-life things with his sister via a brown paper bag. Does it get any worse? I think not. Then he said it: "Mama, I'm so glad I got to play with sister today." That's not fair. My wonderfully innocent, sweet boy has to play with his little sister by using a BROWN PAPER BAG........ WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?

OK, I know that was harsh, but that's what I was thinking. No censor. I'm not in a good place this week. Not at all. As you can probably tell by now, right?

I know the whole paper bag thing was more than likely "theraputic" for Turkey and all that, but it just reminds me what is missing in our lives. Like I need extra reminders, Ha. Sometimes I get so caught up in MY loss, I forget that Turkey has lost his sister. It other way to slice it. He keeps asking me when he's going to get another sister and I just never know what to tell him. I don't make plans anymore, I realized in the harshest of ways that there is no point in making plans in this crazy world. My plans certainly didn't pan out the way I thought, so I don't want to set myself or Turkey up for more disappointment. I love that little man, I really do. I would give anything to give him another sister. He deserves it. We'll just have to see won't we?


Carrie said...

Hi there,
I'm from the Journey to Motherhood forum and I've been reading through your blog.
I am so sorry for what you and your husband and your little boy have to go through. It truly breaks my heart in pieces to think of what you must endure every day.
Thank-you for sharing with us all, and for continuing to keep Isabella strong in our memories - she truly was a light who had a major purpose on this earth.

On a different note, I know you were facetiously (or not!) talking about writing a book of things NOT to say to someone who has lost someone dear to them. I, for one, would appreciate that sort of thing because, unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who says the wrong thing on a fairly consistent basis.
Our neighbours 2 doors down lost their 11 year old son to cancer a little over a year ago and every time I talk to the mom (I rarely see the dad) I want to say how sorry I am or bring up her son's name but I can't do it mainly because I'm afraid to cry (as self-absorbed as that is, I have to admit it). But I *really* want her to know that I think about her and her family and her beautiful son on almost a daily basis. Any tips would be greatly appreciated (even if it's to go ahead and become a sobbing mess!).

Again, thank-you so much for letting us into your life and your journey. You are an inspiration.


mama to many said...

Hi Carrie, sorry it has taken me so long to answer your question. I would really encourage you to talk to your neighbor and just offer your ears to her. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk to who would just listen and not really say anything. It will be tough on you, I know, but so worth it. You sound very compassionate and thoughtful, that's a rare commodity these days ;) Don't be afraid to bring him up or ask questions. We love to talk about all of our children, especially the ones we no longer have. I would love any opportunity to talk about Isabella. If she cries, that is OK. I know I don't mind being upset, as long as I get to talk about her, I'm good. :) Thanks for reading!